Thank Goodness for Fender Benders

Since November started I've been participating in a "Love Dare." Our Relief Society President created a blog for the purpose of giving the sisters in our ward challenges and this one was designed to make marriages stronger. Sister Buchert (the pres.) encouraged everyone, even those who felt they already had a strong marriage, to participate. I feel like Spencer and I have a very strong, happy marriage but I was excited to give it a shot.

I can't begin to tell you what a wonderful experience this has been. Each day (there are 40 in the dare) has a theme on marriage such as "optimism," "selflessness," "sacrifice," or "reliance on the Lord." So every day (usually while I'm feeding the munchkin) I go to lds.org and look up a talk on that topic. This way, in addition to my usual study and general conference talks, I get to read inspired counsel every day about how I can do better to improve my marriage. The next part of the love dare consists of a daily challenge based on each particular theme. Some challenges are easy (like coming up with a fun, surprising way to greet your spouse when he/she comes home from work) and others are hard (go an entire day without saying anything critical to or about your spouse... and once you've done it for one day try to do it every day after that). However, all of them that I've done so far have made a positive impact on my relationship with Spencer (and with Colton).

As I've participated in the Love Dare I've found a drastic increase in my motivation to make our home a place where the Spirit can be found constantly. I learned how to get my cute, cute baby on a schedule (and it's working!) because I was anxious to have time every night where I could settle down with Spencer and talk without having to worry about who would be on baby duty until 4:00 am. I've made a cleaning chart that allows me to clean a very manageable portion of the house every day once a week so that our house is always clean--and it's working. I've learned how to go grocery shopping on my own with a baby whose car seat does NOT fit in the shopping cart. This way Spencer can always come home to a home-cooked meal instead of "Honey, I waited for you to get home sooner so you could take Colton while I go to the store. Now we can't eat until 9:30 pm." I've learned that taking care of my marriage means taking care of myself--so I've been getting back into a regular exercise regimen (you'd be amazed what kind of workout you can get at home with water jugs while your baby is doing tummy time). I've stopped watching TV on Sundays so that I can focus on personal and spiritual matters. And all of it is working because in just a few short days (just over a week) I feel the Spirit around me much more strongly than before.

Even more awesome is how how my personal scripture study has become much more relevant to me, personally. No matter what I'm reading, even if it's about crazy war times in the Book of Mormon, I feel like every day I come away having learned something new about how to be a good wife and mom.

A few days ago, the Love Dare theme was "gratitude for your spouse." I typed "gratitude" in the search box at lds.org an immediately recognized the talk, "An Attitude of Gratitude" by President Monson from the April 1992 General Conference. If you haven't read this talk recently (or ever), I HIGHLY recommend you do so. It's fantastic! I particularly liked this paragraph:

"...let us reflect gratitude for our fathers.

"Father, like Mother, is ever willing to sacrifice his own comfort for that of his children. Daily he toils to provide the necessities of life, never complaining, ever concerned for the well-being of his family. This love for children, this desire to see them well and happy, is a constant in a time of change."

I may be a bit partial, but I have the world's best father. As I've gotten older I've learned about countless acts of service that my dad has performed over the years, many of which went completely unrecognized. My dad is a giver and he never expects anything in return. To this day he is the best example I have of selfless service and sacrifice, which caused me to set my standards and expectations pretty high before I got married--but Spencer met all my standards and exceeded my expectations.

I am eternally grateful to Spencer for the sacrifices that he makes to care for this family. In addition to going to school full time, he's working full time (and overtime) to make enough money so that I can stay at home with Colton every day. I owe him at LEAST so much as a clean house and a hot meal so he can be excited for what's waiting for him at home. I'm grateful for the fact that although Spencer is gone for most of the hours of the day he still comes home and wants to talk to me and play with his son. I love that he still takes the time to help me give Colton a bath every night and still takes fussy baby shifts when he can tell that I've had a long day. He works REALLY hard. So you know what? When he asks for the remote control so he can watch Monday Night Football (gag), I'm going to give it to him. When he asks if he can take a hour to relax in a hot bath, I'm going to let him. Because in my eyes, he deserves it. I am so grateful that I'm sealed to this man for time and all eternity.

Spencer always calls me when he's on the road, heading home from work and last night was no exception. Spencer called right around 8:00 pm and said he'd be home in less 20 minutes so I started warming up the ingredients for his baked potato bar. Over 30 minutes later, he still wasn't home. I thought to myself, "Hmmm. This is a weird time for traffic. Maybe there was an accident." Sure enough, I got another phone call a few minutes later and when I did I noticed that Spencer had tried to call several times within the last 10 minutes but I hadn't heard my phone. I asked Spencer how he was doing (because he sounded perfectly fine just 30 minutes prior) and his response was, "Well, I've been better."

Spencer then proceeded to tell me how, as he was exiting the freeway, a deer jumped right in front of his truck and Spencer hit it going full speed. I asked him if he was okay and he thankfully responded that he was just fine but his car was a hot mess. This is the kind of truck Spencer drives:

Yeah. This thing is huge. And this deer took out the entire grill, smashed the hood, and completely shattered the left headlight. The front left side of the truck is so discombobulated that Spencer can now barely open the driver's side door. That must have been a massive deer and unfortunately for the deer (which dragged itself off the road), I think Spencer's truck ended up with the better deal.

When Spencer came home I just hugged him for a long time because I was so relieved that he was okay. The two of us talked about how grateful we were that Spencer drives a big truck-- if he had been in a littler car that deer would have gone through the windshield and who knows how Spencer would have fared.

So you don't have to do the Love Dare necessarily (although I totally recommend it), but PLEASE take advantage of November and the sense of gratitude that goes along with Thanksgiving to recognize all the blessings in your life. Spencer had some major guardian angels watching over him last night but it still just goes to show how short and unexpected this life can be. Be grateful for what you've been given.

So... despite the $500 deductible (which is SUPER awesome since we just paid rent and tuition and oh yeah, have a two and a half month old baby), I thank goodness for fender benders. Because heaven knows it could have been a lot worse.

I love you all. I really do. 'Til next time...